How can SI feel like it was so long ago? There was this moment when I was eating my salad at Amelie's, on the last day, that I realized fully what an incredible experience I had just been a part of. It's really amazing what soft French cheese on lettuce can help to put into perspective. This week, I miss it. (not just the cheese...)
This week, "normal life" has been crowding my thoughts and I miss the seclusion I felt for 12 days. I was focused and insulated. I know that can't be forever...I know that all writers must also deal with life...bathroom repairs...internet connection issues...algae in pools...lawn mowing...dog care...exercise...the list goes on and on.
I think was has really struck me though, is how happy I felt during SI. I have been working to pin down why I felt so happy as I seek to create more space for that feeling in my life. If one feels so happy while writing and craves that experience so very much, I think one just might be a writer! And it's not that writing isn't hard work or fraught with frustration. It's just that I'm happy while writing despite that.
I really want to make more time for this writing space in my life. Maybe it will come in the form of participating in writing marathons, maybe from working with my new little writing group. Maybe, I need to pay special attention to carving out time in my daily life. Whatever it is, I think I understand what the Olympians describe at the end of the 16 days. There is the bond of shared experience and shared goals that cannot be replicated in other environments. The energy of people who are open to life's possibilities and come together to work on the personal quest is truly life-altering.
Almost without being able to control it, I move toward that first day of school with a sense of dread. I don't want to lose this writing-happy part of myself to the daily grind, the pressing expectations, the interactions with parents and students, and the never-ending documentation. After school starts I always feel that feeling that I call "toasted." I feel like I've been cooked a little too long, or like I've had my insides poured out, mixed up and poured back in--nothing is quite right. I would love to know how to plan for this feeling and how to learn to overcome it. My teacher friends and I agree, there's no tired like school tired. I have a feeling that this will take some good food, new pens, and deliberate planning to watch stupid TV.
Until then, I'm trying to enjoy each remaining day off while staving off the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I so know this feeling. Had it at the end of my SI experience in '04. Keeping your head "in the game" involves finding reasons to...you mention a few here...writing marathons, writing group...they will all certainly keep your new found writerly life moving forward. There will be days though when you are physically alone...separated from the people that made the 12 day experience so memorable...so meaningful to you. Know in those moments that each one of us really is with you...struggling...trying to figure it all out...attempting to keep our own thoughts moving forward. I don't know where I'd be on "this path" if it weren't for the people in my writing community. They motivate me more so when I'm not in the room (lately) then when I'm with them face to face.
ReplyDelete